Monday, April 2, 2012

The tone of this blog is about to take a little detour...

I am still here.

I am still juicing.

And eating.

For 2!

This is going to be a long one and if you are faint of heart and if the word 'blood' freaks you out at all, just set yourself up a little reminder to check back on me after late August 2012.

I need to get this out because when #4 comes, I don't think I'll have time to sort through it all.

We've been trying for #4 for about a year. I figured I'd go ahead and get my body in shape so that (in no particular order):
1. I could have an easier pregnancy
2. I could try for a VBA3C (that means vaginal birth after 3 cesarean sections)
3. I would finally feel at home in my body

As it turns out, I got pregnant at the end of November. I had no idea because at the beginning of December I started bleeding. I didn't need to bother with a test because HeLLO! Bleeding does not equal pregnancy.

As December progressed, so did the bleeding.

A lot.

A really lot.

Blood clots. Like golf balls.

Every trip to the bathroom was like a crime scene. I'm going to need to leave it at that.

I didn't think anything was wrong because I decided that the juicing and exercise was really helping me to cleanse and repair my, uh, girly bits.

Fast forward to MLK weekend. The Man (whom I love) took me out to a sushi dinner. In my heart I wanted Italian food. Weird for me because sushi is always welcome on my plate and I haven't eating any type of carby-pasta foods in a long time.

We ordered and I was disgusted the whole time. I ended up eating rice from the kids' plate (and realizing I broke my "never eat off the kids' plate rule" I was really getting worried about myself).

When we got home, The Man went out to play poker and I was alone with the boys. I knew something was going on with me because I felt horrible. I figured I'd take a home pregnancy test (hpt) because if it was negative, I wouldn't have to worry The Man for no reason.

It was positive. Really really positive.

I instantly began freaking out.

There was no way I could possibly still be pregnant with all the bleeding that had happened (and WAS STILL happening to me). It was Saturday night and they don't have drive-through ultrasounds (yet, but I think it would be a good idea to open one). I didn't want to go to the ER because if I had miscarried, it would've happened a few weeks ago and I really didn't feel cramps, or pain so I couldn't justify getting the kids out of bed and wrecking The Man's poker game (he usually wins). I had decided "What's done is done. An ultrasound tonight isn't going to save my baby or stop a miscarriage if it's happening now."

I did text my sister (my voice of reason when I need one): "Talk me down. I'm freaking out."

A few deep breaths and I gathered up all my kids and put them in my bed. I needed to feel life around me. "What's done is done."

Sunday morning, I told The Man what happened. He was lovely. If he was freaking out, I didn't know it and he kept cool. I am so thankful that he helped me to feel peace.

Sunday night, my love got on a plane to go to New York for work. I encouraged him to go since 'What's done is done'.

Monday morning. I called the doctor's office only to be told by a recorded message that they would be closed in observance of The King's birthday.

I called another office. They were closed, too.

It was settled. Another day of waiting.

Tuesday morning. I called my regular doctor's office and told them my history. They couldn't get me in FOR TWO WEEKS!! I called the doctor's office affiliated with my insurance who could see me at 11am.

I loaded up all of the kids and we drove 1-1/2 hours to the office to get an ultrasound. I am so grateful that the boys hate the doctor. They were too scared to act wild at the office. So all four of us sat stoically while we waited. In fact, #3 just slept the whole time.

Small miracles. Please keep them coming.

Finally they called me back.

I explained my history again. I could tell the ob was doubtful that I was able to sustain a pregnancy will so much bleeding. But he humored us both and did an ultrasound anyway.

With surprise in his voice, "Well. You are, in fact- PREGNANT."

Long story even more complicated, I have a subchorionic hemorrhage (sch). And I was nearly 10 weeks pregnant. Apparently, if it was going to cause a miscarriage- it's highest chances was during the 7-8 week mark.

Basically, the sch is a blood clot and it does whatever it wants. Sometimes, it grows and pushes the baby out. Sometimes, your body absorbs it. Sometimes, it does nothing but hang out. Sometimes, it grows and bleeds and grows and bleeds and just acts like a nuisance.

I'm still in the throes of figuring out which one I have. Except, I know that I have one that lets my baby live and just freaks me out from time to time.

I had varying degrees of bleeding from Day 1 until I hit my 18 week mark. On that day, I had a small tiny spot and then....

No more bleeding.

Today marks 2 weeks ago since my last spot. And last week I was finally able to feel some sweet baby kicks.

However, naturally- due to the bleeding I have been put on pelvic rest (yes, it is exactly what it sounds like) and light duty (no exercise or strenuous housework).

I am doing my best to keep my cravings from controlling me and I have been having my juice so I feel good about that. I have gained 2 pounds so far and that is pretty normal for me.

Now that this has been put out there, I am probably going to be more consistent about updating this blog. No promises though...

Sweet blessings.