Day 22 - Oh, so that's what a Plethora of candy looks like

I'm slowly getting my senses back.

Every one in awhile, I'll catch a taste of juice or a wiff of the air.

But it's still not enough to actually discern what I'm eating and drinking.

I could absolutely tell a difference in the peeled beets. It was way less earthy tasting than previous days.

So progress, right?

As of this morning, I've lost 17 pounds.
And, I think coughing can be considered exercise if you do it for 30 minutes and keep that heart rate up.

I'm sure you wonder how I fared with the Halloween temptation.

I'll start by saying this was the boys most exciting Halloween ever. As we started out to do our trick-or-treating, our neighbors drove by pulling a hayride with their Mule (like a golf cart that took Monster Truck vitamins). They invited us to come along and it was. So. Much. Fun!

I loved watching the kids' faces as they looked around and into the woods; they looked up at the stars in amazement.

And the candy! Carl was dragging his bag (and I died a little inside because I'd just made it today!)!

We are so grateful to our awesome neighbors for inviting us along. The night was cold and crisp and the hay was really soft and squishy. Baby Jesus himself would've snuggled right in!

The boys were collecting candy for a little Goblin called the Candy Goblin. He has a horrible diet. He eats trash and never brushes his teeth. And on Halloween, he LOVES candy! He will eat as much as you're willing to share. If you want to invite him in, leave a piece of candy on the doorstep before you go to bed. Then, in the morning when you wake up you'll find a trail of smashed up candy wrappers that lead to some sort of prize; perhaps an organic treat or a little toy.

The boys were really excited to give their candy to the Goblin. They went to bed easily tonight in anticipation.

Now, about all that candy.

Did I have just one teeny tiny piece?

I mean, just one half of a fun size kit kat would be okay, right?

HECK NO!!!

My body is no longer a trash can.

I'm only fat on the outside.

Happy Halloween!
Have a glass of Beetlejuice,
Radmamma

Day 21 - And the beets go on

I still can't smell or taste.

But the good news is my teeth did not fall out and my face doesn't hurt!

The other good news is that I figured ouit what was making my lunch juices taste so ($hitty) earthy.

I wasn't peeling the skin off the beets and that was giving my juice a disgusting taste.

If my senses come back tomorrow I'll be able to test it to confirm.

Speaking of beets.... I've got a couple of things to say about the matter.

The juice is RED. It stains your hands. It stains your cutting board, it stains your counters. It will also (tmi warning) turn your peepee pink. Kinda creepy.

Slicing up the beets today made me really reminiscent of Provino's salad. They have those pickled beets in there. I really tried to use my magical powers to turn my juice beets into pickled beets without having to wait a month.

Didn't work.

Thinking of Provino's reminded me of a few really really good times I had there. There was this one time with a group of girls. *censored by Radmamma to maintain a sense of integrity and good decision skills* and it was one of the most fun restaurant experiences of my life.

The other time that I hold dear to my heart about Provino's is when I was pregnant with Arbuckle. I was close to my due date and was ready to bring on labor. My midwife said to try 'some' garlic.

The Man & I hit the Provino's. I probably pounded out 15 or so of those garlic rolls. I didn't even eat the dinner I ordered. If I hadn't been so pregnant, I would've been rolling around on the floor with those rolls because that's how much of a spectacle I was making of myself.

My water broke the next day.

When Arbuckle was born, that precious baby smelled like a little garlic roll himself!

And so today. Day 21. I guess that means 9 more days before I add a meal back in.

I'm really teetering here. I'm considering perhaps keeping it up for longer.

You know, just for kicks.

And because I'm sure I still have about 8 of those rolls on my hips.

If you can't eat 'em, juice 'em!
Radmamma

Day 20 - Chicken soup for the soul and sinuses

I'm definitely on the road to recovery.

Last night and this morning was the worst of it. I had so much sinus pressure that I had nightmares of my back teeth being pushed out of my head because of the pressure.

I still can't smell or taste. And I'm okay with it. Sort of, I've got some chicken soup simmering (not from a can) and I'll bet it smells lovely.

I'm too zapped to work out, but our elliptical is going to get a beating when I'm better.

Speaking of exercise. As I mentioned before I like the Pandora station "Hungry Like The Wolf". There are 2 things that I have added just for kicks.

1. If a commercial comes, I call it a bonus round. I go as fast as I possibly can without passing out for the duration of the commercial.

2. If Billy Idol's Rebel Yell comes on, that is the Super Deluxe Bonus Round and I have to push it as hard as I can for the duration of the whole song.

After it's over, I usually want to french kiss Billy Idol and then poke him as hard as I can in his side ribs until he cries. Then I make fun of his crooked lip.

Yeah, so Day 20 and what am I learning.

I'm not nearly as impulsive as I was 21 days ago.

I can live without prepackaged food.

I don't have to go to Starbucks all the time.

While I'm a really awesome baker, I'm a shitty juice maker.

I don't miss sugar.

I know this is going to take a long time. But here's the deal:

God willing, 2 years is going to come and go. In 2 years from now, I can still be hooked on sugar and chocolate milk and being sedentary; or I can get off my ass now so that in 2 years I can look at myself and say, "I'm so glad I got control of my life 2 years ago."

If you think you need to get healthy and you are disgusted that it's going to take a long time to do it, just consider that. The time will pass.

What are you going to do with it?

Day 19 - The good news is I'm an optimist!

I have always been told that I'm very optimistic.

And someone even said that I'm optimistic to a fault (cough, cough, The Man).

It is actually true.

The good news is I can't smell anything. This is awesome when you have a little one in diapers!

The OTHER good news is I can't taste anything! So, today's V8 went down as easily as well- it just went down easily *sly grin*

But seriously. I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to keep it down that I sort of bent my non-prepackaged rule. Tobasco only has 4 ingredients and all of them are very basic. No chemicals or weird words. So I thew some dashes in.

I'm so clogged up that it wasn't even spicy.

I couldn't even tell if I was drinking a melted milkshake or lava flavored slop.

Hooray!

I'm hoping I get my senses back tomorrow because I worked hard on breakfast juice. I think it's going to be a winner.

Oh yeah. And I'm down 16 pounds.

I exercised sick yesterday but I don't think I've got the strength today.

Tomorrow The Man is running a 1/2 marathon and I'm wishing him Godspeed and lots of yum yum juice!

Word to your Radmamma.

Day 18 - Juice helps a cold

Normally a cold will knock me down for a week or more.

Yesterday I spent most of the day in bed. The boys all took turns coming in for a snuggle and then proceeded to trash the place.

But, I'm feeling so much better today.

I did skip the breakfast juice of kiwi pear though. The kiwi juice is really thick and it tastes too sweet.

So, it's another version of V8:
tomatoes
parsnips
celery
spinach
carrots (I know. But they are cheap and juicing organic is really pricey)
beets
parsley
something else. I can't remember...

It tastes pretty disgusting. But if also tastes really healthy if that's possible.

It helps that I'm drinking it out of a Starbucks cup.

Day 17 - Sick

I've picked up a little cold along the way.

But, I figure all the juice is keeping me from feeling as crappy as I normally do.

The Man was fabulous at getting dinner on the table. He's my sunshine.

Day 16 - Still at it

Nothing new to report.

Still at it.

Still exercising.

Day 15 - How I do what I do

Half way mark came and went without a hitch.

I did have to make another trip to Whole Foods because now I'm juicing for myself & The Man.

Lunch juice today was the rest of my Meen Green from yesterday.

I had some encouraging dialogues today. Honestly, everyone's warm wishes and kind words fill me with joy and determination.

So thank you all for that.

For those who are curious about how this has been working, I'll try to break it down here.

Though I feared I would feel like I was fighting a war, it has actually been more like walking outside barefoot. Stepping on the occasional sweetgum ball and rock; though for the most part nice and squishy!

I haven't really followed anyone's plan, rather just pieced together what I have understood about food combining and nutrition in general.

I always juice the night before so my juices are ready right off the bat.

I make a breakfast juice and a lunch juice.

Breakfast is always mostly (if not all) fruit. This gives a gentle wake up call to your digestive system and the fruit sugar gives you some inspirational energy to get moving.

I drink about 10-12 oz of morning juice and about 16oz of lunch juice.

I sip the juice about as slowly as I'd eat a meal. My favorite way is through a straw with a lid on my cup. I don't know why this helps, but it does.

Lunch is always 90-100% vegetable. My favorite so far has been my Meen Green, which is:
1/2 bunch of kale
3 ribs celery
2 cucumber
1 fennel bulb with stalks
1 apple
1 pear

I've omitted the pear without noticing, but the apple takes the edge off the licorice taste of the fennel.

I usually have lunch around 12-1.

For dinner, I make sure there is plenty of vegetables and proteins.

I like to do grilled chicken over a spinach salad with raw nuts and sometimes with a boiled egg (I boil a doz at a time and keep them in the fridge).

The dinner ratios I strive for are:
3 different proteins
2 raw vegetables
1 lightly cooked vegetable
1 tablespoon fat (either walnut oil for salad, coconut oil for sweet potato,or butter for cooking) If I need to break up the fat, I do a teaspoon for salad, a teaspoon for cooking, and a teaspoon for topping a cooked veg)


Because I'm exercising so much and I don't want to go into ketosis, AND I don't want to ever see any of the lost pounds again; I'm eating the protein meal. One could lose a lot more weight faster by doing another juice for dinner. But, your stomach will have to be gently started again. And I believe there will likely be some type of repercussions when you do finally have 3 regular (healthy) meals again.

As for exercise, it's easiest for me to do it in the afternoons. After school time with the boys, and before The Man gets home. Sometimes, the day gets crazy and I can't exercise until after The Man gets home- but I make sure to just do it. I will sacrifice a shower for exercise. And I've found a way to figure that the price for peace and quiet is a little sweat and fatigue. A fair price in my book!

Wishing everyone the best night filled with love from someone who loves you back,

Juices wild!
Radmamma

Ps: this post is from my geniusphone, and we all know geniuses can't spell for $hit. So, if my geniousphone has made any errors, kindly look the other way and know that I was the 5th grade spelling bee champ and I normally take spelling very seriously. Reely.

Day 14 - Felt good to be in those jeans

Breakfast juice was so good! I didn't want it to end. Pineapple, coconut, lime; colostrum of the gods...

I made waffles with coconut & almond flours for the boys. I added a little coconut oil to their maple syrup to cut out a little of the sweetness.

They liked them. But I have no idea how they tasted.

I was pretty excited about lunch. I'm calling it Meen Green. It was:
Kale
Fennel (stems & bulb)
Celery
Cucumber
Granny Smith Apple
Pear

It was really good. Better than V7. I made granola bars for the boys lunch. We went outside for a picnic. Everyone had finished and was starting to play.

When I wasn't looking, Carl dumped all of my juice on the ground!!!

I almost cried.

Luckily, I have more.

But that little booger owes me about $8.

Day 13 - I'm not alone

Last night The Man decided to (for the most part) join me in my (for the most part) juice fast.

This morning, we had watermelon, mint, lime juice.

I made strawberry muffins for the boys using almond flour and amaranth. Once they cooled they held their shape nicely.

We packed the rest of the muffins, some fruit and our lunch juice and headed out to a small fall festival held at one of the elementary schools nearby.

It was very strange to be in a school again. I remember being so scared and excited about school when I was in first grade. I also felt sort of sad being in a school again. Some of the most frightening things happened in my life when I was so young. I thought back to my own elementary school's fall festival 30 years ago. I remember just never quite fitting in properly. You know what? Nevermind. I decided I don't want to go there now.

The younger boys played at the petting zoo and Mr. Button rode a pony.

After that, we had a picnic lunch before going home.

The Man and I had V7 and it was pretty good while it was cold. But, I didn't drink it fast enough and it began to get warm.

I had to choke down the last 2oz.

My mantra has become, "I've done worse, I've done worse"

Bottoms up!

I'm so excited for breakfast tomorrow.

The Man and The Boys cracked a coconut for me. I ran it through my super fabulous juicer and saved the perfectly shredded coconut pulp for later.

We will have pineapple, coconut, and lime juice for breakfast.

I think I'm going to throw it in the blender with a frozen banana to make it go further since I have company now.

My energy is great. My attitude is (overall) great.

I'm not feeling as stupid and absent- minded as I was last week.

I got a haircut last night!! The Man was so generous and offered to watch the boys and pay for it!

Good man, good juice,
Radmamma

Day 12 - 12 pounds

I'm fully aware that the weight loss will slow down once I'm all detoxed and in a routine.

But- I'm riding this ride with my hands up and screaming with glee at the moment. So just be happy for me. Wether it's 12 lbs of fat, water, sugar, or bones; I'm just excited that my favorite skirt is loose on me!

This morning, I made watermelon (from our garden), lime and mint for breakfast. It was pretty good, but I think it would've been better with some sparkling water added. It needed some bubbles.

For lunch, I made my own version of V8. But it was more like v7. I used tomatoes, beets, green peppers, garlic, onion, spinach, and kale. It was actually good. If you wanted to jazz it up, a pinch of salt and a shot of Tobasco would really do the trick.

If I don't exercise right this very second, it won't happen- so...

Just juice it.
Radmamma

Day 11 - Whole Foods

Today I went to Whole Foods and restocked.

Happily, I skipped right over the carrots, radish, and grapes.

Here's my shopping list:
Parsnips
Pears
Green apples
Cucumbers
Kale
Onions
Garlic
Tomatoes
Limes
Lemons
Strawberries
Beets
Celery
Fennel
Green peppers

I didn't have any trouble staying away from the samples today at Whole Foods.

I'm going to meet one of my favorite people for dinner tonight. I'm really looking forward to a yummy salad that I didn't have to make!

I haven't seen my friend in a few weeks, so I can't wait to hear all about how she's been.

Drink your veggies,
Radmamma

Day 10 - 11 pounds

It's been one of those days that just started and then ended.

Breakfast juice was pineapple, kiwi, and raspberry.

My faith in breakfast juice is now put to rights.

I still cringe when I think of carrots.

I'm now completely out of produce to juice.

I'm going to try out some new combinations in the next week.

I'm excited to try coconut, pineapple, and lime. For lunch, I'm going to try celery, cucumber, and spinach.

I got this.

Day 9 - HOME

Thank you Dear Sweet Baby Jesus.

This morning was the last time I'll ever drink my bjc (breakfast juice combo).

It is finished.

And I took the boys to Goats on The Roof. They had a caramel apple and a homemade chocolate chip cookie.

I gagged 3 times on my lunch juice.

But, I finished it and I kept it down.

And now I'm home!!

And, I've lost a total of 10 pounds.

That's 10 pounds of junk that I'll never ever carry around again.

That's 10 pounds of sucking it in for pictures.

That's 10 pounds of laying on the bed to zip a pair of jeans.

I'll have fresh juice tomorrow and I'll feel like a million bucks.

And I even managed to work out today after unpacking and cleaning up.

Watch out Day 10, You're totin' an ass whoopin'.

Day 8 - Still Camping

I believe with my soul that I'm pushing the limits on the shelf life of my juice.

I had to choke down my breakfast.

I am dreading lunch.

I am ready to get ANY other type of juice.

Add carrots and grapes to the list of things I'd like to kick in the balls.

Muscle through it.

You can do this.

You've done worse than drink possibly rotten juice before.

Just think of it as wine in it's early days...

Day 7 - Tallulah Falls

Still camping. Having a lovely time with the boys. I am starting to get a little disgusted by my juices that I premade and packed.

Had my BJC for breakfast.

So far on this trip I've turned down:

Chick fila breakfast
Hot dogs
Smores (3 times so far)
Pancakes with butter and maple syrup
Biscuits & sourghum syrup
Lemonade
Kettle corn
Hamburgers
Chocolate Newman O's
Fig Newmans
Sourgham lollipops
Hot boiled peanuts
Ketchup

I have really not had any second thoughts about any of these.

Until tonight.

The Man was holding Carl while he slept so I helped the big boys make their smores.

I broke up the graham crackers. No problem.

I put their marshmallows on their little sticks. No problem.

When I opened up the new dark chocolate cherry bar. I had to stop and consider. Then I touched it. Sleek and smooth. Then I turned it over. Perfect little satin shiny squares. I broke off the top row. The perfect snap. No crumbs, no melting.

If you take a bite right now, you may as well get in your car and leave your family. Because you don't love them if you eat that. You don't care about what will happen to them when you get diabetes, or heart disease, or stroke out. If you eat it now, give up and consider yourself the most selfish person on the planet. Leave your family. Be just a memory to your Children and husband.

This is not about self control. This is about changing the way I think and feel about the things I cram into my body.

This is about being aware of what I want for my life.

I gave everyone 2 squares of chocolate and delicately, reverently wrapped the devil back in his golden foil paper. Placed him gingerly into the box, and then it was time to help Arbuckle with his blackened marshmallow.

I put on a pot of water and made myself a nice friendly cup of tea.

And it was good.

I used to have a weakness for chocolate. But I can look at it; touch it, smell it, hear it now and appreciate it for what it is. But it does not control me anymore. .
Went on a small hike to Tallulah gorge.

Ran for the first time in 20 years.

I remember a gym class where we were supposed to run a mile in 10 minutes.

It took me 30.

And I walked it.

Barefoot.

While reading a book.

And eating an ice cream.

I used to say, "If you see me running, shoot the guy behind me because I'm being chased."

I'm no longer that girl.

If you see me running, give me a wink or a high 5.

Now, if I'm screaming and freaking out; go ahead and shoot the guy behind me for good measure.

I will not be outran.

Day 6 - Sorghum Syrup Festival

Breakfast juice combo. Saved some chickfila cups to have my juice. It goes down best through a straw.

Lunch was better because it was carrots, leafy greens, lemongrass, beets, and peppers. NO RADDISHES!

It was perhaps the most testing day to endure. We went to the Sorghum Syrup Festival in Blairsville, Ga. . There was funnel cake, kettle corn, barbecue, you name it. I drank a cup of water before we went in.

The family had biscuits with sorghum syrup, kettle corn, lemonade, and burgers..

It was awakening for me to actually see the things I would've scarfed down without a thought.

I wasn't really tempted. I didn't want any of those things. I figured my biscuits were probably better, the kettle corn would be jammed in my teeth and I wouldn't be able to get it out since I cut my fingernails really short so I could play my new Martin guitar. The burgers weren't appealing because all I could think about was the cattle in the movie FOOD, Inc.

So, Day 6 was a lot easier than I thought it would be. I've got lots of energy and I'm feeling like I own my body.

Day 5 - Camping

I didn't have internet for a few days. I'll be updating my progress based on my log that I kept while we were camping. So in case you were wondering, I didn't quit, give up, give in, nor did I have a grain of sugar!

I'm Camping for a few days. I'm still going to juice.

I've packed what will now be called Breakfast Juice Combo (bjc) an Lunch Combo (lc). BJC is apple, grape, carrot, cucumber; lunch is 3 types of leafy greens, carrots, radish, and I've already forgotten what all.

Family had biscuits and bagels. I had my bjc.

And hot tea.

I saved my Starbucks paper cup from the other day. So there's that.

Also, I weighed again. I've lost another 4 lbs. That makes 8 lbs since I started 5 days ago.

Lunch today was really nasty. I've decided that radishes should be wiped from the face of the Earth. Since we're camping, the family had hot dogs.

I've never looked so forward to dinner. The Man does all of the cooking in the woods. He is supportive of my commitment and he's doing his own variation of Getting Reel, but while on vacay- he's a little more lax. My dinner was a cheeseburger without the bun, broccoli, potatoes, and homemade dill pickels.

I've been really stoic all day. I did talk to Boompa last night about my fast. Naturally he was supportive. He has always been the most supportive person in anything I've ever done.

I also told him that I need him to be healthier.

My kids need him to be healthier.

We will see how this unfolds.

Peace, love, juice.

Day 4 - V8 (sort of)

Boompa is visiting and I haven't told him about the juice fast.

Yet.

I'm actually hoping to have a "Git REEL PEE PULL" talk with him.

And I'm hoping that the dvd of 'Fat Sick and Nearly Dead' arrives while he's here.

The juice for today tastes very earthy. I think I used too many raddish from Farmer Chad.

But, I'm just going to plow through it and keep going.

I'm finding it harder to carve out time to update here. So I may do a few days worth at a time.

If I don't update for a day or two, just know that I haven't quit, slacked, or given up.

Just probably cleaning little boy poop off of something.

Peace & Juice,

Radmamma

Day 3 - Beet, Chard, Carrot, Apple

Last night was a good test for me.

I went to Starbucks.

Seriously, that is my favorite place.

I love their coffees, cookies, their birthday cake pops, and I usually spend 90% of my allowance there. Did you know that you can order just a chocolate milk with whipped cream? Well, you can. And it's one of the cheapest drinks.

There is more than one person who knows my voice at the drive thru. At 3 different Starbucks.

So there it is.

I was hooked on Starbucks.

I was hooked on the thrill of getting something delicious that I didn't have to prepare for myself.

And I can honestly say was because I'm not hooked anymore.

Last night was a test, and I freakin' aced it baby.

I punched Starbucks right in that beautiful mermaid lady's throat (but in a nice way, because I still love the smell of that place and I'm not going to remove Starbucks from my life forever).

From Starbucks, I ordered a Venti hot water.

And I bought a box of tea.

I read the ingredients. No sugar, nothing refined, just dried up flowers.

Hells yeah (dorky rockstar scrunched up face with the "I love you" hand sign waving)!

The best part of last night, though, had nothing to do with the delicious hot tea, or the fact that I was non-guiltily sipping from a paper cup with the little cardboard sleeve.

I got to spend some long uninterrupted hours with an old friend. And while the circumstances are crappy that brought her to me here in Georgia; I loved, adored, relished every single second of her presence.

There have been countless people that have come into my life that I've loved dearly, passionately- but for a season. They go their way, or I go mine. I look back with fondness, but I'm seriously okay with the distance and can love the friendship for what it was. I am content to leave some friendships in the past because I know it helped to shape my present.

But, there are a handful of others. The friends who I have loved fervently and steadily. Time has passed, we have parted ways but the kinship is ongoing. It is never "goodbye" with these friends. Years can pass and the reunion is still as simple and pure as the very first time when I realized that one was a lifer. You know who you are.

Saying hello to her after such partings always fills me with such joy that I'm a crying mess.

And I thought yesterday was going to be one of those days that I never looked back on again.

(cough, cough, bull$hit)

As for today, it's barely 10am and I've already conquered breakfast with the boys, had circle time, and did our Main Lesson with Arbuckle. They are having snack time right now and I know I'm going to pay for this stolen moment with my blog and my juice. I've already been told that "the brown stuff in the sink isn't doo-doo, just peanut butter so Mommy don't freak out".

We pick up milk today. Fresh from the farm .

And 9 years ago today I married The Man.

And today is my favorite Uncle's birthday.

I am going to be a good day.

Day 2 - Fennel, Carrots, Lemon / 5 lbs lost

It's been one of those days that I'll probably never look back on.

It was nice and boring.

I cooked for the boys and was able to keep my hands off their leftovers. I nearly forgot several times and without thinking I almost ate their random crumbs.

Good grief, I sound like a scavenger.

I exercised for 30 mins on the elliptical and I gotta say, "Hungry Like the Wolf" is a really good Pandora station to sweat to.

Not much for today. I'm feeling good. I'm clean. I'm ready for Day 3.

Love.

Day 1 - Juicing what I've got

I'm so grateful for the comments that I've received both publicly and personally. Thank you for such beautiful words.

And now, here's my official DAY ONE:

I got a new juicer today. It is an Omega 8006 masticating juicer. I already have an Omega centrifugal juicer. The masticating juicer is really quiet and the juice doesn't get heated from the fast spinning metal blades. It also does nut butters (that word still kinda grosses me out), wheatgrass, pine needles (we'll see about that), and pasta (big NO NO).

I haven't got my week's supply of veg yet so I had to juice what was available.

Pineapple, ginger, and sweet potatoes.
I can do this. I'm hard core.

I know ginger is supposed to give you energy, and give you the feeling that you're having sushi: Good.

Sweet potatoes are good for some other stuff: Good.

Pineapple goes great with chicken: Good again!

So, I got about 10 oz of juice. I'll have to wing it until The Man gets home with our Whole Foods bounty.

I'm going to try some leafy greens from the garden, tomatoes, onion, and peppers for lunch.

I still have responsibilities to the boys. And I'll update here probably daily because this is my way of being accountable.

I will not take routes that pass Starbucks.

I will not have any alone time treats when The Man is out and the boys are asleep.

I will not eat the boys' leftovers.

Anymore.

I've already exercised, had school with the boys, cleaned the kitchen twice, and talked it over with Sister #3, #1, my hetero life mate, and The Cousin That Should've Been Born To Me (tctshbb2m).

I'm feeling great. Resolved. And I'm sending some time released gusto in case the difficult day comes.

Also, there's something else that is looming.

I don't want to do it. But I'm gonna.

The Before Pictures.

I'm not going to post them here. But, I'm going to take them and they will also give me strength.

And now Carl is awake!

Later.

My "A-Ha" Moment

It seems I have it all together.

I feel good about my parenting style. My boys are treated gently, peacefully, and always with unconditional love. I play with them, I sing songs with them, dance with them, read them long stories, and sing their favorite songs while I wait for sleep to come to them at night.

I'm a good friend. I listen without judgement. I will tell my friend all of my favorite things about them. I am very giving. If a friend likes something I have, I'll either hand it over; or get them one of their own (you know, like stuff-wise; not people-wise: I don't hand out free babies).

I'm a fantastic wife. I am one of very very few wives who still give their husbands; you know. *wink wink* On a regular basis. Not just birthdays either. I could go on about other ways that I'm an awesome wife, but does it really matter? That alone puts me in the top ranks.

I am kind to strangers, soldiers, police officers, firefighters, and the occasional bastard. I once brought an old man to tears when upon noticing his Remember Pearl Harbor hat, I walked over to him and thanked him for his service to our country. I have bought a Police Officer's coffee at Starbucks, I give gift cards out to ANY officer I see in a restaurant as a way of thanking them for keeping us safe. My boys and I made muffins and delivered them to our local Fire Station just because. And, once I was in line behind a lady in the craft store who seriously had 3 buggies slap full of stuff. Her total was $600!! I only had 3 items and I helped her out to her car AND took her buggies back into the store.

So, I think I'm a pretty awesome person.

And I'm sure you think I'm awesome, too.

Except, if you saw me at a gathering of people and you were pointing me out to someone; you would most certainly describe me as "That Fat One".

And that's what kills me. I am so much more than my fat ass.

And so much more than my gut.

And so much more than my chafing thighs.

A medical professional would even go so far as to say I'm Morbidly Obese. Now, no one has ever actually uttered those words to me; thank you Dear Sweet Baby Jesus- because I would eat that person like a midnight snack. But, we all know it's true.

I'm so fat, my seatbelt pisses me off in the car. I'm too short to reach the pedals but too fat to get much closer to the steering wheel.

I'm so fat, that if I wear skirts; my thighs rub together so violently that I get blisters on them.

I'm so fat, that I hate eating in front of people because I think they're judging me.

I'm so fat, it physically hurts to run because my skin jiggles so bad it feels like someone is dropping bowling balls on me.

So, yes. I do pretty much have it all together except that I'm Fat.

I sometimes wish I took as fervent care of my body as I do my boys, my husband, strangers, and the kitchen floor.

I'm still working through the inner guts of why I screw myself up so badly.

Now, before you think that I like to pound cheeseburgers from McDonald's, or guzzle down Coke; let me be clear- I'm a nutrition FREAK. I don't ever ever ever consume corn syrup, caffeine, atrifical flavors, colors, or hydrogenated stuff. I live pretty clean.

I know my problem.

I know it like only I could know.

I over eat.

I am an excessive person. By nature, I go overboard on anything I set my mind to.

When I decided that I wanted to learn to knit; I bought the best yarn, the best needles, and learned the most difficult stitches.

When I decide I want to do ANY craft, I just leap in with both feet. I buy all of the supplies. And not just all the supplies; I buy enough that I could start a business selling said craft.

If someone I love shows an interest in something that is dear to me, I'll be excessive for them, too.

Here's the thing; I think that part of my charm is my excessiveness (is that even a word? Screw it, I'll find out when spell check gets a hold of this. Not that I'll change it, I'm just curious). People really like being around me. Except assholes probably. But then again, who cares what assholes think?

So, in keeping with my excessiveness (seriously, I hope it is a word because it's the only thing that works here); I am going on a 30 day juice fast.

There I said it.

But, since I'm going to also be exercising, too- it's going to be sort of modified. Here's my plan:

I'm going to juice 50 oz a day and eat one protein rich meal.

I will exercise for a focused 30 minutes a day.

I am eliminating all sweets, white flour, and anything prepackaged.

I am going to do this for 30 days and will add back a meal after that.

In 30 more days, I will add back another meal while continuing to avoid the sugars, flour, and prepak's.

The next 90 days will be a defining chapter for me.

I have always been That Fat Girl. I have never felt like that, but I know how I look. Further, I want to have my energy levels so tuned up that the boys have to ask me to slow down and stop running through the kitchen.

I did something today that I haven't voluntarily done in 15 years. I weighed myself. Now, I've been weighed at the doctor's office for each of my pregnancies. But, I don't ever wonder what I weigh.

In fact, the only reason I weighed today is because I have decided to take Dr. Phil's advice and "get real, people". Only when he says it, it sounds like, "Git REEL PEE PULL". But, annoying as that fat bastard is; he's right.

I'm only fat on the outside. Inside is a skinny bitch waiting not so patiently to get out and be seen. She wants to wear semi slutty clothes (not that I'll let her) and run with one of those ipod arm bands because she's too busy being fit to actually put her ipod in her pocket.

She wants to sprint up a flight of 40-11 stairs.

She wants to wear button-fly pants even if they are passe'.

She wants to enjoy just being a regular person in a crowd without comparing to see if anyone is fatter than she is.

I'm going to go overboard with me.

I'm going to put a shit ton of hard work into this body.

I'm going to treat this body like a good friend who really needs some help.

And I'm still going to be the same beautiful girl who loves her boys, husband, friends, and that occasional bastard.

Day 1 is coming soon.

I am ready.